The Frog Pond

I drew today without having a panic attack about how my art life is over and I'm going to be a failure blah blah blah

So that was pretty cool?

Making some overdue presents for people because...yeah. They are overdue. To those of you who have sent me cards/mail into the void that is me? Thank you. Thank you times a million, and I am sorry times even more than that that it's taken me so long to respond. I have been making little gifts and things to mail/e-mail and a lot of them did not pan out in time for the holidays (there is so much failed art/spilled ink in my room it's depressing) but I have not forgotten, and thank you, and I am sorry.

My new year's resolution: Be less of a flake, get my shit together, not have panic attacks while trying to do personal work because that's dumb.

GOALS ARE GO.

Happy holidays and such, everyone!

<3

I made holiday porn! 1 of 2 card-sized illustrations. Because, you know. I can't do regular holiday card things I guess.

"A Very Ginger Christmas,"
Rating: NSFW
Warnings: for BDSM, nudity.

( Art-Christmas bondage, gingers. )

There's a lady in the series, too. She's in progress though.

Also, these are really slow going, mostly because work is actually kind of destroying me. So there's that.

Happy holidays and stuff!

So, my voice has been replaced by frogs. Hello winter. Now I know where all your frogs have gone. They are sitting, curmudgeonly and hoarse, in my throat.

I'm not doing Thanksgiving per se this year--my Dad and his girlfriend broke up, so instead he and I are going to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn, eating the biggest greasiest breakfast at the shittiest Americana-tastic diner, and hiking up a mountain. I think it's perfect.

I don't like the holiday season for most anything--I hate Christmas music, I hate the pressure to spend money and time on mandatory capitalism, I hate the pressure to drop everything for relatives that often treat each other like shit, I hate the family drama...

BUT

I have always found some love for Chrismanukwanzadan here. Fandom has pretty much monopolized any holiday cheer I have. That warm, fuzzy, "Oh it's Chrismanukwanzadan!" feeling happens for me because of all the excitement, the gift-giving, the FIC, the ART, the PODFIC, the EVERYTHING, the PORN that people sit down and churn out for each other in this frantic mess of making and doing. And I think that's why I like it so much. People are sitting down and making things for one another. It's not about the money, but about making something that someone will like, that will make them feel good and catered-to, and maybe a little spoiled and a lot of squeeful. And then that thing is made and shared with the rest of the community so that we can enjoy it too.

And really. How can you argue with that? That is what this clusterfuck of a season should be about, if it must be about anything at all.

So I look forward to fandom's holiday season, and I wish you all best of luck on your respective fic, art, pod, what-have-you-exchanges.

<3

Hey, so. Remember when I used to post porn here?

Have some hipster porn!

"Totally Obscure," 2011, traditional inking, digital coloring.

( Hipster porn- SO NOT SAFE FOR WORK )

It's been a while since I've had time to make my own porn and felt motivated to really finish it to this level. I've still got a long way to go, but it feels good to be making things again.

I feel like I see the phrase "Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts" a lot, and I have no idea what it's from. Right now, it feels like Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, if I'm going to be cliche. Which I am.

I don't really know how to explain it. I wake up, I go to work, I try to get my own work done at home when I get home from work, I try to be a functioning human being, but everything has this intensely bittersweet feeling to it. It's not depression or rogue chemical interplay in my brain as far as I'm aware. It just feels like something is intensely missing, or is not being addressed, or that it's something slightly two degrees to the left of loneliness, and I have no idea what it is.

Maybe it's a feeling of being lonely and lost? I don't know who the hell this person is that I am...occupying? I feel like I'm suddenly living the life of a person I know nothing about. And this person is intensely awkward and scared and has no idea what they want. I'm not used to not knowing what I want.

ok cool hey brain and body and the rest of me yeah if you could maybe not be verging on panic attacks after reading even small portions of the news well that would be just lovely

no? well ok I guess here goes this again.

HI GUYS. So, stuff.

( Life! Kink! Menfolk! Ginger wolverines! )

I MISS YOU GUYSSSSS.

Hey everyone! I'm over here from LJ, setting up camp just in case.

I rather like this interface :)